Written: Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Carnation Crossings by Christopher M. Bohan
“Oh, look at Gladys with her new hip. Thinks she’s the queen of the dining room!” Marge’s bitterness was fueled by the severe edema in her calves that has plagued her for a week now. “Saul, get up there and get me a piece of that chocolate cake. And, if I see you say one word to Gladys you’re sleeping in the bathtub!” And, with a pleasant “yes, dear”, Saul sauntered off to the dessert table – taking particular care to steer clear of Gladys.
“I heard that it’s a hyena’s hip,” Marge was on fire, “ she is so poor she couldn’t afford the artificial one. So, they told her that she was a perfect candidate to receive a hyena hip – seeing as her cackle of a laugh is quite similar to that of a hyena and, well, hyenas are promiscuous sluts!”
“Marge?!” Suzanne Carpenter was taken aback by Marge’s tawdry language. At the dinner table, even.
“Oh, lighten up Suzy!” Marge couldn’t control herself, “She is the concubine of Carnation Crossings. The only thing not crossing around here is Gladys’ legs – especially with the new hyena hip. Ha Ha.” Marge was quite pleased by her acerbic wit.
“I believe I will be finding a new dining table. You should be ashamed of yourself Marge.” Suzanne gathered her plate of Swedish meatballs and noodles and relocated to a more respectable table.
“Oh, to hell with you…Loosey Suzy! Saul? Saul? Where’s my cake?” The pain from Marge’s edema was excruciating.