Atop Mount Eversplash

Atop Mount Eversplash by Christopher M. Bohan

The line to the top of the waterslide seemed endless: heads and inner tubes as far as the eyes could see. Every five seconds the blur of a human being would zip past and a second later their scream of delight would come chasing after them.

A little math, and some generous averages, told Chet it would be at least 40 minutes to the top of Mount Eversplash, but the shouts of glee emanating from the shoots indicated that the arduous ascent might just be worth it. Chet had no one to talk to, no cell phone to hide behind. He felt rather uneasy in groups, and therefore focused on the ride, envisioning the freedom he would soon enjoy.

Never the rebel, or even a rabble-rouser, Chet shed his docile coat today and called in sick - something he had never done before - and made his way to H2-Normous Water Park for a self-inflicted kick in the pants. Chet needed to add a little spice to his life, and this was just the ticket.

Finally at the top, he surveyed the snaking shoots and let out a primal scream that silenced the crowd, for a moment. Then, in a conscious echo, the entire crowd let out a howl. Chet hit the slide and never looked back, trusting that his excitement was following close behind.

Carl's Cheeseburger by Christopher M. Bohan

Carl's cheeseburger was rather dry and the cheese was not melted in the least bit. His French fries were cold and the milkshake had melted, and was now just mostly chocolate milk; warm, chocolate milk. He stared at his lunch for a long time. He had no idea why this had come to pass. Why had he waited so long to eat? Why did the ketchup packet sit unopened? Why was he in prison? Why did he not remember? Then, he remembered.

Carl never felt like eating after visitation day. His children - Cindy, 3 and Charles, 2 - were too much for his heart to take. They were growing up too fast, and not right in front of his very eyes. Their beauty strangled his appetite. Their gentleness burnt his soul. Their eyes forgave his shame.

Every Saturday they brought him lunch and sat in his lap and kissed his cheek. They did not know his past, they only loved him in the present. They did not see gates, nor guards, just a man who looked a little bit like a mirror.

Carl said his grace and ate his cold meal as his joy waved goodbye from the other side of the fence.

You're Lucky You're Cute by Christopher M. Bohan

Corinne made a left turn onto Mulberry Street, put the car in neutral, turned the car off and drifted about 500 yards before coming to a stop in front of Cecilia's house.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, in a hushed breath, noticing she had forgotten to turn off the headlights. She saw Cecilia's bedroom lamp click on and off, twice, and knew that the coast was clear. She got out of the car and made her way around to Cecilia's backyard, where she found Cecilia's father sitting in a patio chair smoking a cigarette and laughing a little bit.

Corinne froze.

Mr. Turk spun around in the chair - like a super-villain would do in a James Bond film - and spoke with a cackle, "Hello, Corinne. One: If you are going to sneak up to my house, don't park out front. And two: Don't forget to turn off your headlights. You're lucky you’re cute. A little slow, but cute.”

Cecilia came out the back door and whispered, "Corinne?"

Mr. Turk, spinning around in his chair to face Cecilia, answered, "She's right here, honey. So, where you girls going tonight?"

Cecilia froze.

All was quiet, except for the sound of someone getting out of the pool; Corinne's father.

He spoke as he toweled off, "Come on sweetie, let's go. Thanks for the call, Turk.”

Corinne’s father took the keys from her shaking hand and said, “You didn't leave the headlights on again, did you? How many times I gotta tell ya ‘Turn off the headlights!’ You’re lucky you’re cute."

Brand New Year by Christopher M. Bohan

"Hey, Jill. Hi. Yeah, so, I just purchased my Toy Story 3 IRA from Nike Bank and was thinking of picking up a 7-Eleven Big Gulp down at Bank of America Plaza. Wanna join me? Well, I was thinking of parking in the Nextel Parking Lot next to Frito-Lay Hospital. Well, yeah, I guess it would be quicker to just take the Subway Subway. Should I get off at JC Penney Junction, or AT&T Universe? Sure, yeah, that's right, I could just take the Taco Bell Trolley to Cabbage Patch Street, transfer to the Banana Boat Bus and get off at EZ Pass Plaza...They have a 7-Eleven there, yeah? That's right, it is on the upper level...So, I’ll just take the East Coast Pizza Elevator, or the Dunkin Donuts Escalator. But then I gotta get home, because my sister is going off to school tomorrow. She’s going to Pizza Hut Tech. Yeah, it used to be Penn State. She'll be studying in the GE College of Electrical Engineering. She was going to go to Pfizer, in California, but she thought she might get too homesick. Alright, I gotta run. See you at 7-Eleven. Say, you still want to go the Starbucks Shore this weekend?"

Written: July 31, 2010