Written: Sunday, July 4, 2010
Like, it’s over by Christopher M. Bohan
Please believe me when I say that I, like, no longer want to date you. I am beginning to suspect that you still believe that we are, like, an ‘item’ or that we are ‘going steady’. Or maybe it’s because, like, from the fact that you just introduced me as your ‘boyfriend’. Maybe this is, like, my fault. Maybe I wasn’t clear last week when I said ‘I just wanted to be friends’. I can see how that could be misconstrued, thus the introduction as ‘boy-friend’. I will give you the benefit of the doubt on that one. But it’s, like, totally over Trudy. I, like, totally don't, like, like you anymore. Like that. You know? Like?
So, for one, please stop holding my hand. And two, if you are going to insist on wearing that ‘with boyfriend’ t-shirt with the arrow pointing in my direction then I totally won’t, like, hang out with you any more.
Look, I am going to be in the ninth grade next year and I don’t want to be tied down to, like, a seventh grader. You are, like, totally cool and totally mature but I am thinking I might want to date someone, like, my own age. Don’t take it too hard. There are more fish in, like, the ocean. I will totally miss you hard. I totally liked holding you hand.